My story

I thought about this for awhile and wasn't sure I wanted all my dirty laundry out on the line, but unfortunately, I'm an open book, to my parents and maybe even my husband's dismay. Oh well.. that's why my mom doesn't know about this blog!

I grew up always the smallest, skinniest kid in the class. I remember being in the 4th grade and wearing size 6x. And when I was in junior high and high school, as a cheerleader, I was always on the top. I never really thought anything about it, but now, when I look back at pictures and see my little tooth pick legs, it blows my mind. I can not actually remember ever weighing myself in high school because I was skinny and just didn't care. I ate anything and everything I wanted and it didn't change anything. I'm jealous of my past self...
I didn't start watching my weight until college. I went away from home and heard about the "freshman 15" and worried a bit. I tended to eat the main dish, the salad bar and a Pepsi for every lunch and dinner, a bagel for breakfast. But I kept getting sick. I had horrible diarrhea and sometimes I would throw up. I was missing most of my afternoon classes so I had to go the school nurse and get a note for it, almost daily. Finally the nurse said, "I think we need to weigh you." I'm about 5 foot 7 inches- short my husband says, but that's another story, and when the nurse weighed me, I weighed in at a whooping 103 lbs. The nurse kinda freaked out, so she made me write down EVERYTHING I was eating to see what was causing me to be sick. Come to find out, the preservative on the salad was messing with my system. So, I cut out the salad. And even tho I did that, I still never put weight on. About a year later, I got married, and at 3 months pregnant, I still weighed only 106 lbs. I was hoping I was going to be like my mom who weighed 120 lbs when she gave birth to my brother and I. Alas... that would not be how it worked about. At 5 months pregnant, I weighed 127 lbs. (the last time I've seen that weight!) and 4 months later on the day I delivered Ethan, I weighed in at 203 lbs!!! The secret to my weight gain, you ask?? I made, and ate, an entire 9 x 13 chocolate cake EVERY DAY! And I ate a lot of lasagna! But amazingly, a week after I had him, I weighed 130 lbs. I lost a huge chunk of the weight, but my body (hello stretch marks!!) was never the same. When Ethan was 4 1/2 months old, I got pregnant with Briyanna. I had the same weight gain, the same weight loss. A year and half later, I was pregnant with Brenna. Now that pregnancy seemed fairly similar, but when I was 6 months pregnant, we moved from Idaho to Virginia, meaning I left behind my doctor and all that I knew. Long story short, my original due date was October 16th, moved to November 1 due to an ultrasound early in the pregnancy, and I had her on November 28th, weighing in at a grand total of 11 lbs, 5 oz. It was one of the hardest things I've ever gone thru. A week before I delivered, I broke down into tears because my joints in my hips were tugging and when I sat down, I couldn't see my knees. I was on crutches even because of my hips. One week before I had her, my doctor, who I could not convince that I don't go into labor on my own, said we'd do an ultra sound and if she was over 8 lbs, he would induce me. The ultra sound showed she was 7.5 lbs. I looked like I was about to have triplets. I was enormous! Anyhow, he laughed when she was born. I wanted to punch him. And after I had her... I've NEVER been below 145 lbs. since. I've had one more kid since then, Berlyn, and after wards, I got down to 150 lbs and hovered bewteen 145 and 152 lbs. for years.
Now onto where I'm at now! At the time, I was married to a guy that messed with my head. He was a controlling, manipulative jerk. He often told me I was fat. He refused to be happy or nice, but demanded that I be the wife he wanted. But I didn't comply to his "demands" willingly. He introduced me to this little thing called vodka. I began drinking alot, and heavily at night just to make it through the evening with him. I couldn't stand him. I slowly started putting on weight. I finally got the guts to leave... That's another post in itself. But even after I left him, I still found myself drinking way too much. It was frustrating. I wanted to quit, but I found that I just had that "need" for the escaping feeling that I had gotten used to over the past 2+ years. I have finally really quit drinking nightly. And honestly... very, very hard. As you can see, I still have a drink occasionally, but it's definitely not an every night thing anymore. I was coaching soccer for a good part of this which meant I was running about 5 miles a day, for 3 days a week, so I was keeping off the weight then. But after I stopped coaching and became less active, the consequences piled up: an extra 30 lbs. It sucks. It was much easier to put it on than it is to take it off. I have hovered around 175 lbs, but I hit 180 lbs and decided that was it. My neighbor had told me about this Dukan diet for several weeks and finally in August, I asked to borrow her book and that was the beginning of all of this! On our first weigh-in, I weighed in at 180.2 lbs, really... the highest I've ever been while not pregnant. I'm so disappointed in myself that I let myself get that high. But it's time for a change, and I'm pretty excited about it.
Obviously, Curt is NOT my first husband. Curt is the most encouraging and supportive partner that I could ever ask for in this lifetime. We've know each other well since 8th grade, so we had a great friendship to base our relationship now on. It's wonderful, and I love every moment I spend with him!